What if it’s empty? What if we see someone we know? Based on stories from friends, this is a not-uncommon occurrence at some other gay sex events in the city, and the fear amounts to one of being exposed somehow - not just physically, but, in the case of New York Jacks, as a “bator”: someone who seeks out mutual masturbation as a discrete sexual experience. But as with being seen on Grindr, or in the backyard of a gay bar in Brooklyn, the “exposure” would be mutual.Īs in every fetish community, the fear of being outed as a participant in something deemed weird or pervy keeps many people, including bators, in the closet about their interests. All things considered, mutual masturbation is pretty tame - masturbation is something most people already do, albeit alone - but the popular notion of masturbation as somehow being failed sex, the purview of lonely internet trolls, leads many would-be avid mutual masturbators to keep their sexual cards close to their chests.Īmong men who have sex with men, mutual masturbation is often seen as sex-adjacent, rather than a sex act in its own right. ![]() In some cases, this is a heterosexual fig leaf (“It’s not sex, we’re just being dudes”) in others, it’s treated as an hors d’oeuvre.
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